No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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