There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
