we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
