I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You just made me feel so damn special
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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