I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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