yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
