guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
