Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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