Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
