She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
