maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
