I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
