Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
