apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
