I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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