gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
