Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
