theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This baby is an asshole
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
