On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
