I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
