cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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