He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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