My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize