If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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