weddingsv make me drug and hornr
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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