i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
