Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
