why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Boobs are out for the taking
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize