She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
