apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
