Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
