now i know why i became what i already was.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think your dad took our porno
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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