someone threw a dead crab at me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
