found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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