I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
