The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
