well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
