he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
