He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
