Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just found puke in my bra..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
