you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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