he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Say something about gay babies.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
