dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
