it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
