she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
