I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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