I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
