just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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