I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize