No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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