you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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