If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
