Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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