Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize