Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
