This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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