Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
