he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
