What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
