You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
