I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
