That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
