So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize