A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
