dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
