I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
