Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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