i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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