Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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